KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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