make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
