What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
