It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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