a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Vodka?
Forever.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
