I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
high people should be assigned attendants
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
