WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
