i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
