you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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