I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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