I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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