i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
