let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
