I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
