Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
