You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
