3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
