Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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