Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
This is the high leading the old right now
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
