so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
