A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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