Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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