Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
