Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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