Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
