Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
