i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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