And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
