i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
