Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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