try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
