Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
