Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
