i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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