At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
