Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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