btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
