So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
