i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
