bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
