I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
