And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
