Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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