im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
