I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she peed on how many people?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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