You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
