After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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