First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Someone came in the potted fern
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
