Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
