Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
